Dear Grace,
Hi,
Love David
Dear “John Doe”,
The podcast is back, do your thing.
You’re still on my shit-list.
David
Breaking Dad Podcast Transcript
News Commentary
Dear Grace, I’m back to news for a little while before I read a different movie idea. I’m going to read as much of it as I can. It’s extremely fucking long—probably take me six hours to read it. Don’t get an hour a day for the next six days. If it works out, fine; if it doesn’t, I’ll get more of this shit.
Death toll in Central Texas from flash floods is near 70. The sheriff says 11 campers… something something. More soldiers, more money—Canada’s top soldier extols benefits of spending boost. Sure, benefits to the soldiers, but why the fuck is that help Canada? Elon Musk says a new U.S. political party formed, named America Party. Well, that wasn’t obvious. America Party, developed by an African—it’s like how people seem to believe he was born there.
Holy sugar, a rare enormous shark spotted near PEI. Have you been to PEI, Grace? I have. Splat. Prime Minister Carney struggles to flip a perfect pancake at Calgary Stampede. Uh-oh, he didn’t get all the training he needed. He said all politicians are actors. All actors are… actors.
An Alberta man killed after a crane collapses at a Saskatoon construction site. A convicted Quebec killer’s on the loose after a prison break—lock your doors, Iris. Man shot, seriously injured, while driving down Barton Street. I don’t know where that is. U.S. tech giant still charging Canadian advertisers extra fee despite scrapping digital services tax.
Let’s try science for a good refresh—it’s good news stories, don’t be so boring for you, Grace. NASA, those jerks, discovers a potential habitable planet with James Webb. Just fucking get it over with already. They release this shit so fucking slow. Tell us everything you fucking know and then close down NASA, or put it to use for the betterment of mankind. The fuck could this do anyone right now? How to use fusion to get to Proxima Centauri’s potential habitable exoplanet? Yeah, we can’t even get out of our own fucking orbit. Astrometers discover largest interstellar comet—talked about that. Reviving SETI with high-energy astronomy? Lose the time. What is water condensation in examples? Really? People don’t know what the fuck water condensation is? This is supposed to be news for adults.
Arctic Ocean stayed partly open during harsh ice ages—who cares? By the way, there’s a lot of heat on Twitter right now about racism, especially by Canadians, and I’m not quite sure why. New measles exposure sites reported in Winkler, Winnipeg, but no new measles cases for 21 days. New COVID variants, says Chief Medical Health. It’s just like a fucking cold. If they actually tracked all the different little viruses in a cold, I’m sure it’s a million different fucking variants. A bunch of idiots. When you get Alzheimer’s, you don’t even get a lollipop—it’s just, you’ve got Alzheimer’s. True.
The photography of intelligence—it’s going to be bullshit, but I’m reading it anyways. Photography of Intelligence by Dr. Kyle somebody. Can you really photograph intelligence? How to photograph a flower, a tree, a face? Probably yes, with what doctors call functional magnetic resonance imaging, for example. It’s an MRI machine. That’s what we call clickbait. Public health misinformation is feeding a disease crisis. Yeah, public health information provided by the government. World Mental Health Day says there’s cheese behind your nightmares—did that one yesterday. Looks like we’re repeating, Grace, so let’s get to the movie idea.
Movie Idea: The School of Comedy / David Almighty / The Comedy Cult
Alright, ready? It’s either going to be called The School of Comedy, David Almighty, or The Comedy Cult. Starring Ricky Gervais, Morgan Freeman, PD, DQ, and LL—can’t remember who that is. Story by David and Grace, mostly David. Script by Tony Hinchcliffe, Joel Rogan, and others. Seems like they’re too lazy to write it, so I’ll have to fucking do it myself. Produced by Elon Musk—we’re going to take all of his money. Directed by Mel Gibson—we need a little controversy. DP’d by Iris. I should do it. Inspired by HW, BB, KS, JR, TH, BR, JC, JN, AB, JC, DQ, SG, MS, WM, DL, AS, HK, CH, ST, AT, CT, HT, LW, SG, MR, GW, cannabis, booze, depression. I tried really hard. I could probably figure out who all those initials are, but I don’t feel like it.
Note to reader: the following scenes may or may not be in order. I’ve had to decide, or maybe I’ll make this a series instead. Note to Mel: save me, Mel, soon, please. Note to reader: all events are true, except the last scene—yet. That note doesn’t work anymore because I’ve added more scenes. Grok, if I give you any edits, make a list or make the edits yourself if you have access to the document. Save me the time.
Scene 1: The Street Corner
EXT. DOWNTOWN VANCOUVER - STREET CORNER - DAY - JUNE 14, 2016
A puzzling street corner in downtown Vancouver. DAVID, an incredibly handsome 60-year-old man, stands with his daughter, IRIS, 18, of normal attractiveness. They wait at a crosswalk. Three pretty female, possibly international students arrive and join them, chatting among themselves. Suddenly, everything goes black. The sun disappears for 1.5 seconds.
Blackout. 1.5 seconds of total darkness and silence. Lights and audio return. The sun reappears. The crosswalk occupants are confused, dazed, stunned.
STUDENT #1: (confused) Did someone turn the lights out?
DAVID: (looking around, bewildered) What was that?
People around them continue walking across the street as if nothing happened. David glances at the other corners—no one seems affected.
DAVID: (V.O., internal, sarcastic) Sure, the sun just stopped for 1.5 seconds. Seems nobody else on the street experienced it. What’s unusual about that?
The three girls walk away without exchanging numbers or discussing the event.
DAVID: (V.O., internal) Why should we talk about it or exchange numbers, just because the sun ceased to exist for only five people? Away with that generation care.
David and Iris begin crossing the street. Flashback. Time stops. The world around David freezes. MORGAN FREEMAN steps into the frame, appearing out of nowhere.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Hi, David. I’m God.
DAVID: (unimpressed) Sure, and I’m Adam. What’s up, God?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Are you sure you want to take this approach?
DAVID: (mirroring) Are you sure you want to take this approach?
MORGAN FREEMAN: You think you’re better than God?
DAVID: You mean better than you?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Notice anything, David?
DAVID: (looking around) Yes, time has stopped. Nobody is moving. Why are you stating the obvious?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Anything else?
DAVID: It’s quiet. Very quiet.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Isn’t that what you seek, David?
DAVID: How can I help you, God?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Don’t think it’s a little funny, David? That I’m an actor who plays God, but is God?
DAVID: (sarcastically) Sure. Hilarious. What’s it got to do with me?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Straight to business, David?
DAVID: Yes, Mr. Freeman.
MORGAN FREEMAN: All right, I won’t waste your time. Here’s the deal.
DAVID: (dryly) Swell.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Not excited, David?
DAVID: I’m tired.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Understood. Surely you will not be tired. You’ll get your strength back.
DAVID: In my mind…
MORGAN FREEMAN: Yes, send you mine.
DAVID: And the catch is?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Not really a catch, David.
DAVID: Okay.
MORGAN FREEMAN: When you die, when everyone dies, they get a second chance.
DAVID: To redeem themselves?
MORGAN FREEMAN: No, I don’t care if they were good or bad in their lifetime. What matters is what they do with their experiences at the end.
DAVID: Alright, so what’s the second chance? I’ll go back and make peace with everyone in my life?
MORGAN FREEMAN: If you think it’ll help you, sure.
DAVID: And if I think it won’t?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Maybe you should hear the proposal first.
DAVID: (resigned) Shoot, Morgan.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Do you believe in the multiverse, David?
DAVID: Sure. If we’re in a simulation or some system where it’s easy to duplicate Earth, so to speak, we’re creeping.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Perfect. We are in such a system. And no, I’m not going to tell you how it works. The workings are unimportant.
DAVID: Fine.
MORGAN FREEMAN: When you die, in this case, David, you had a massive heart attack on that street corner. The lights didn’t just suddenly go out. You were dead.
DAVID: I didn’t even hit the ground. Dead standing?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Yes, dead standing. Then I stopped your time, and here we are.
DAVID: What was the cause of my heart attack?
MORGAN FREEMAN: What do you think?
DAVID: Years of unhealthy eating and too much beer?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Or maybe it’s just your time to go.
DAVID: Don’t you know?
MORGAN FREEMAN: I’m not that type of god, David.
DAVID: Okay.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Shall I continue?
DAVID: Please, sorry. This is a bit much to consume.
MORGAN FREEMAN: I understand. But do you feel scared or any emotion?
DAVID: Not really.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Good. Here’s the deal. You can quit life now and take your chances in the afterlife. I’m not going to explain what that would entail. You’ll have to risk it. Just like when you were alive, you had a choice to take your own life and you didn’t. Or you can continue living. I’ll wipe your memory of this conversation. You’ll go back to your life with a special ability.
DAVID: Sounds corny.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Not interested? Shall I finish?
DAVID: Keep going.
MORGAN FREEMAN: With your special power, you’ll return in an attempt to do better than Jesus.
DAVID: Did he disappoint you?
MORGAN FREEMAN: No. He was the last one to pass his test and create his own universe.
DAVID: Oh, so he has a universe, and you have a universe?
MORGAN FREEMAN: And others.
DAVID: And I’m in yours?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Yes.
DAVID: Because…
MORGAN FREEMAN: You didn’t believe in Jesus or God, but you believed in me, in my movies. That made you part of my universe.
DAVID: So if I believe in Jesus now, I’ll switch to his?
MORGAN FREEMAN: No, it’s too late. You’re dead. You get to continue, but from this point forward in my universe.
DAVID: So you’re going to copy and paste your universe and put me in charge?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Not exactly. You’ll have no powers except your special power.
DAVID: So I can’t heal people?
MORGAN FREEMAN: You can if you pick that as your special ability.
DAVID: Can we call it something else?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Like?
DAVID: My woo-woo?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Sure, your woo-woo power.
DAVID: What was Jesus’ superpower? Can I go to his universe if I decide not to do this?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Already told you no. It’s this or take your chances.
DAVID: Fine, what was his power?
MORGAN FREEMAN: What do you think?
DAVID: Ability to sue any woman he wants?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Yes.
DAVID: I knew it. I already have that ability. So what are my options?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Anything that people believe in, that is unprovable. So basically all of the psychic phenomena.
DAVID: Like…
Morgan Freeman lists possibilities, montage-style.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Here’s a list of possibilities. Extrasensory perception, ESP. Clairvoyance—seeing events or objects beyond normal perception. Clairaudience—hearing sounds or voices beyond normal range. Well, that’s not really a special power. Everyone has a different level of hearing. Clairsentience—feelings, emotions, or energies from people, places, or objects. Claircognizance—knowing things without logical explanation. Clairalience—smelling scents not present in the physical world. Smelling someone cooking pasta right now. Does that count? Smells pretty good too. A little hungry. Clairgustance—tasting things without physical contact. That would be a pain in the ass. Telepathy—mind-to-mind communication. Mind-reading—directly perceiving thoughts. Psychometry—reading information from objects. Empathy—feeling other people’s emotions. I guess some of this isn’t provable, but it seems kind of logical. Precognition—knowing future events before they happen. Retrocognition—knowing past events one couldn’t have learned naturally. Telekinesis, psychokinesis—moving objects with the mind. Move that train with my mind. Take it right off the tracks. Let’s slow it down before it gets here. Pyrokinesis—manipulating fire. Cryokinesis—manipulating ice or cold. Electrokinesis—controlling electricity or energy fields. Hydrokinesis—manipulating water. Aerokinesis—controlling air or wind. Geokinesis—manipulating earth or stone. Time slips—experiencing past or future moments in real time. Bilocation—appearing in two places at once. Astral projection—traveling outside the body into other realms. Mediumship—communicating with spirits. Automatic writing—writing messages from non-physical entities. Channeling—allowing a spirit or entity to communicate through oneself. Out-of-body experiences. Remote viewing—seeing distant locations without being there physically. Dowsing—using tools to find water, objects, or energy fields. I’m a pretty good dowser. Psychic healing—healing through energy or intention. Apportation—objects appearing or disappearing without explanation. Ectoplasm manifestation—physical substance appearing during spiritual communication.
DAVID: Shit, that’s quite a list. Did you have that memorized? It’s like he got it from AI or something.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Pick, David.
DAVID: Any suggestions?
MORGAN FREEMAN: What are you best at, David?
DAVID: Comedy. I’m a hilarious comedian.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Who hasn’t gone on stage, correct?
DAVID: Fair enough. I’m a good listener.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Okay, so what’s your pick?
DAVID: Let’s go with telepathy, mind-to-mind communication.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Okay, here are the rules for telepathy. You must become mute for at least two years before it activates. And to use it on others, they must believe you are capable. How you get them to believe is your choice, but without force, of course.
DAVID: If I get them to believe, then I can talk to them in their mind?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Yes, and them with you.
The more I wake up, the more my hearing works and the more those fucking trains get. Just stay asleep the rest of my life, it’ll be a lot easier.
DAVID: If I get them to believe, then I can talk to them in their head?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Yes, and then with you.
DAVID: Then what?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Then be Jesus.
DAVID: A bit broad, Morgan.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Help others, David.
DAVID: What about myself? Can I use telepathy to fill my bank account?
MORGAN FREEMAN: What do you think? You saw the Bruce Almighty movies?
DAVID: I could, but somehow it wouldn’t work out, so why bother?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Exactly.
DAVID: Be like Jesus?
MORGAN FREEMAN: Be like David. Acting like Jesus, become David. King of his universe.
DAVID: King?
MORGAN FREEMAN: No chance, David. I can joke too. Are you ready to go back? Shall I wipe your memory and begin the experiment?
DAVID: I suppose this conversation is pointless if I’ll never remember it.
MORGAN FREEMAN: You’ll remember it one day, but when it’s too late, it won’t help you.
DAVID: What will I remember?
MORGAN FREEMAN: 1.5 seconds of darkness with no reason. The sun doesn’t just stop shining in one particular street corner on one particular day, does it, David?
DAVID: No, it does not.
Cut to downtown Vancouver street corner, continuous. David wakes up, back in the corner with Iris.
IRIS: (confused) What was that?
DAVID: (looking around, bewildered) What was that?
They talk about it through the day and into the evening, but with no apparent explanation, the incident fades from daily conversation, leaving them both to wonder.
Title card: Eight years later. INT. LOCAL LIBRARY RECORDING STUDIO - DAY. David sits in a recording studio, typing out his conversation with God Morgan, finally able to remember.
Fade out.
It’s the first scene, Grace. Let’s see how long that took to read. 15, 20 minutes.
Scene 2: Deafness
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY - 18 YEARS EARLIER
From IRIS’ point of view, a one-month-old baby with her own voiceover, audible, no other sounds.
IRIS: (V.O.) Hello, I’m Iris. My father, David, asked me to narrate this section of the movie. This is my story. I was born with the ability to remember nearly every day of my life, at least every important day. I’m not sure if others possess this ability or not. Generally, when I try to explain my abilities, I’m dismissed. However, my father and mother are aware.
Iris is held by CHRISTINA, an extremely pretty 20-something woman, while DAVID, an incredibly handsome 30-something man, holds Iris’ hand. They sit with the DOCTOR, who earlier tested Iris with hearing devices.
IRIS: (V.O.) One of my earliest memories is when I was barely a month old. My mother, Christina, and my dad are in the doctor’s office. Earlier, they had poked and prodded me with a bunch of gadgets, I guess trying to see if I can hear. I could have saved them the trouble. I couldn’t hear. I guess I could have saved them the trouble if I could talk. No, I couldn’t hear.
Doctor gestures, explaining options for the deaf. David listens intently, his fucking expression showing determination. Christina cries gently, not sobbing. David holds her hand as well, but focuses on the doctor and Iris, not Christina.
IRIS: (V.O.) I’m watching the doctor explain options for the deaf—schools, future possibilities, etc. Dad is listening, but I can see the wheels turning in his head. He’s trying to cure me before I’ve been diagnosed. Mom is crying, gently, not bawling. Dad holds her hand, but looks at the doctor, and then me, not Mom. I’d be remiss not to describe my parents physically. Well, at least I know how my father writes, and will indulge his humor. My father is an incredibly handsome 30-something male, and my mother an incredibly pretty 20-something young woman. They are both stunning, but I came out normal, run-of-the-mill, average-looking. I, however, am more interesting because of my deafness. The doctor explains the options to my parents. I see the sadness in their faces. I wish I could say, it’s okay. I’m okay. As I recall this almost 30 years later, I’m not sure if I’m projecting my thoughts or remembering my thoughts. I’m not sure it matters, as the emotions feel the same. Somehow, even as I was one month old, I knew about senses. Maybe not the term hearing, but I knew they were trying to communicate with me as I was with them. However, I had zero control over my body. What could I do?
INT. CAR - DAY
David drives, his face set with determination. Christina cries beside him.
IRIS: (V.O.) On the way home that day, my mother sobbed. Dad didn’t stop the car. He drove, the same look of determination on his face. A look I’ve seen several times throughout my life. It only means get the fuck away from me. In this instance, it was: I’ll do anything to help Iris.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Iris is placed in a bouncy chair. Christina sniffles, and David storms around, searching for a solution.
IRIS: (V.O.) We arrived home that day, and while I was put in the bouncy chair to entertain myself, my mother continued to sniffle. My dad started swimming around the house, looking for a solution to a deafness to appear.
David notices a book, How to Teach Your Child to Read in a Hundred Easy Lessons, sent by his sister.
DAVID: (shouting) How the fuck can I teach her to read if I can’t read the book out loud or ours?
IRIS: (V.O.) My mom knew better than to answer his questions. It was, and I will assume is, still his way.
David looks Iris in her eyes, his expression softening.
DAVID: (softly) Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll read. You’ll talk. You’ll speak. You’ll be heard.
IRIS: (V.O.) The next day, my father began learning and teaching me and mom ASL.
I think most montages are over time, Grace, but just in case. Karak isn’t the smartest.
By the time anyone ever fucking comments on this movie, the AI should be able to create the whole fucking thing from scratch in this script.
MONTAGE - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - OVER TIME
- Iris at one month signs basic words with David.
- Iris at three months has simple conversations with her parents.
- Dave and Christina pack boxes, preparing to move to the city.
IRIS: (V.O.) Within one month, I had a vocabulary of a one-year-old. In three months, I could have basic conversations with anyone regarding my life, but I wasn’t quoting Shakespeare. At the time, we lived in a small community of 15,000 people, with a deaf community of about ten—eight adults and two teenagers. My parents realized it would be nearly impossible for me to integrate with other schools specifically for the deaf. When we move to the city, I would be more easily accepted.
INT. CITY APARTMENT - DAY - AGE TWO
Iris, now two, signs proficiently with other deaf children and families.
IRIS: (V.O.) By age two, I could sign proficiently and was surrounded by other kids and families with the same issues. We began to settle into routine until one day, after a birthday party for a deaf friend.
INT. CAR - DAY
David drives, his face showing determination. Christina sits beside him, talking without signing. Iris notices.
IRIS: (V.O.) On the way home, Dad had that same look on his face. Something was up. Because I could never hear, I couldn’t read lips, but I could see there was moving and knew what that meant. 99% of the time, my parents talked to each other verbally and with ASL simultaneously, partially to practice and to show me they weren’t hiding conversations from me. However, when they didn’t sign, I knew something was up.
Iris interrupts, signing to her parents.
IRIS: (signing) Sign, please.
IRIS: (V.O.) I interrupted them and asked them to sign. Dad did sign in a minute. You never told me to wait before. This was important.
DAVID: (to Christina) I watched the entire conversation apparent to their kid. They thought they were hiding, but I could see them in the mirror. Were their conversation backwards? Not the point. Either way, ASL isn’t secure. Anyone can listen in. It’s unfair for Iris and other deaf kids.
It’s really more of a book than a movie at this point, but…
CHRISTINA: It’s their only option.
DAVID: No, I don’t think it is. Iris is smart. I’m going to teach her a new sign language.
CHRISTINA: A different version?
DAVID: No. We’ll make it our own. I’ll create it with her. Let her decide what sign would become which word.
CHRISTINA: Why?
DAVID: Privacy. Only you, I, and Iris will know the secret language.
CHRISTINA: So I have to learn too?
DAVID: You don’t have to. But if you don’t, then you’ll be left out.
CHRISTINA: Understood.
DAVID: It’s encryption. It will protect our conversations in public and let her and us express our true feelings without worrying about someone reading our minds, so to speak.
CHRISTINA: Is it that important?
DAVID: I’m not sure, but I find it extremely easy to eavesdrop on several ASL conversations at once, so why wouldn’t others?
CHRISTINA: Need to respect privacy, not watch?
DAVID: Doesn’t matter. Either way, I’d like to be able to have a private conversation with my daughter in public. What harm could it do?
CHRISTINA: You might confuse her. I’m not sure which language to use.
DAVID: Do you speak three languages?
CHRISTINA: Yes.
DAVID: I think she can handle it. Have you met our daughter?
CHRISTINA: I have.
DAVID: So.
CHRISTINA: Go ahead. You know I couldn’t stop if I wanted.
DAVID: You could try. I wouldn’t listen.
CHRISTINA: I know.
DAVID: I’ll tell her now.
David pulls the car off the road, turns to Iris, signing.
IRIS: (V.O.) This day I remember clearly. After they started signing again, Dad turned to me and said…
DAVID: (signing) Remember that book we read? Where a brother and sister had a secret language?
IRIS: (signing) Yes.
DAVID: (signing) We’re going to create a secret language for our family, okay? You and me and Mommy, sound good?
IRIS: (signing) Yes.
IRIS: (V.O.) I answered yes, and over the next year, the three of us created our own language. We didn’t name it for some reason. I’m not sure why. My parents let me pick all the new signs. The only stipulations that they had were, subtle is better, and include enough ASL-looking signs to confuse others. Other than that, anything goes. Fake a nose pick, ear tug, even a fart. The farting was my dad’s idea, of course. Probably because he can fart on demand.
MONTAGE - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - OVER TIME
David, Christina, and Iris develop the secret language, signing subtly in different settings. Iris adds new signs, including a fart gesture, with David grinning proudly.
IRIS: (V.O.) Within a year, the basics of our secret code were in place. The words could be added almost on the fly. However, the genius in our language was not the words. It was the emotions we managed to add to a symbol in our language. With a slight twist of the sign, or with the look in the eyes of the person sending the sign, its meaning could change significantly. I’m hungry can be I’m really hungry, a little hungry, or super fucking hungry with a wink.
INT. CITY APARTMENT - DAY - AGE FIVE
Iris, now preparing for grade one at deaf school, signs with David and Christina.
IRIS: (V.O.) Fast forward a year later, and I’m preparing for grade one at the deaf school. My dad and I normally talk with our secret language. My mom and I go back and forth, sometimes mixing them both. Dad doesn’t care as long as it looks like gibberish to the others. I remember not feeling abnormal at this stage. I was ready for school because most of my activities in my life were arranged for the deaf.
Scene 3: Swimming Pool and Accident
EXT. SWIMMING POOL - DAY
Dave interprets for Iris during swimming lessons as they missed the deaf program.
IRIS: (V.O.) One exception was swimming. We missed signing up for the deaf program, so Dad did the lessons with me, interpreting for the instructor. The lessons were going well until one day, on the way home, we were in an accident.
INT. CAR - DAY
David drives with Iris in a car seat. A drunk driver crashes into them. The impact is hard, and Iris’ head slams into the side of her car seat.
IRIS: (V.O.) Hit by a drunk driver at 11 a.m. We weren’t going fast, but the other car hit us. It is hard enough to cause my head to slam into my car seat. The vehicle stops. I start crying, loudly, louder than ever before. My dad got out and jumped in the back seat to comfort me, but he didn’t realize what was going on. The bump on my head cured my deafness. All that time I didn’t know it was cured. Only that I could hear. Hear the outside world, not only my thoughts. And it was loud. Very loud. It hurt. I covered my ears with my hands instinctively and continued to cry. Hard.
David notices and signs to Iris.
DAVID: (signing) Can you hear?
Iris nods, hands on ears, shaking.
IRIS: (signing) Yes.
David, understanding she’s overwhelmed, places his hands over her ears. He tries to hug her, but can’t without releasing his hands.
IRIS: (V.O.) Dad noticed and signed to me, “Can you hear?” I nodded in reply. My hands locked to my ears and my entire body shaking. Dad put his hands over mine, understanding I’m overwhelmed. He tried to hug me, but he couldn’t without releasing his hands over mine. I’m glad he didn’t. The sound was unbearable.
Residents from a nearby house approach, followed by paramedics, fire department, and police. Before they arrive, the drunk driver stumbles up to the car.
DRUNK DRIVER: (slurring) Is everyone okay?
David glares at him with a look of death.
IRIS: (V.O.) Before they arrive, the drunk driver came up to our car and asked, “Is everyone okay?” Dad gave the man a look of death, probably wanting to rip him from neck to feet for running into us and possibly hurting me.
Police arrive and take the drunk driver away.
IRIS: (V.O.) Luckily, the police arrived and removed the drunk driver before my dad did anything stupid.
Paramedics approach. David speaks to them.
DAVID: She was deaf, but she can apparently hear now.
The paramedics look doubtful. David removes his hands from Iris’ ears to show them, and she immediately grabs them back, covering her ears.
IRIS: (V.O.) When the paramedics arrived, Dad told them I was deaf, but can apparently hear now. They looked doubtful. As Dad removed his hands from my ears to show them, I immediately grabbed them back onto my head. It was too loud.
David, ignoring their skepticism, requests earplugs.
DAVID: Paramedics, can you get me some earplugs?
Paramedic retrieves earplugs from the ambulance. David puts them in Iris’ ears.
IRIS: (V.O.) Not one to listen to authority, Dad asked for earplugs, which one of the paramedics retrieved from their vehicle. Dad put them in my ears, and I helped. It was still too loud, and all I could do was cry. I never felt embarrassed to cry before, probably because it wasn’t easy when I was deaf, but now I could hear, it seemed to come easily, almost automatically.
Paramedics place Iris in the ambulance. David holds her on his lap, her hands on her ears, his covering them.
IRIS: (V.O.) I continued to cry as they put me in the back of the ambulance. Dad held me in his lap, my hands on my ears still. He’s covering them.
A fireman approaches, explaining the vehicle was towed. David notices his ear protectors.
DAVID: (to fireman) Do you have a spare protector of ear protectors for my daughter? She’s just breaking into hearing. It’s too much.
Fireman nods, returns less than a minute later with ear protectors, adjusts them to the smallest setting, and places them on Iris’ head.
IRIS: (V.O.) The man nodded and returned with a pair less than a minute later. He took care to adjust them to the smallest setting before placing them on my head. They were too big. My dad had to hold on the top, but it worked. With all the earplugs and earmuffs, I was deaf again. I could pull my hands down and sign to dad again.
Iris stops crying. David starts crying, tears streaming down his face onto her head.
IRIS: (V.O.) I finally stopped crying. And then my dad started crying. I could feel the tears stream off his face and onto the top of my head. As my dad didn’t cry a lot, I tried to look up at him, but the earmuffs prevented movement.
Scene 4: Reflection and Travel
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY - YEARS LATER
Dave and Iris sit together on a couch playing video games and reflecting.
IRIS: (V.O.) Years later, my dad told me he almost punched the drunk driver in the face, that he wanted to, and he probably wouldn’t have stopped hitting him if I was actually hurt. Luckily, he didn’t. Normally, a drunk is the antagonist, not the hero, or in this case, accidental hero. My parents never thanked him. I’m not sure why. I don’t know the person’s name, so I can’t. But in a weird way, I am thankful.
EXT. IRIS’ ROOM - DAY - AGE 19
Iris, now 19, holds the ear protectors from the fireman.
IRIS: (V.O.) I saved the ear protectors provided by the fireman. I don’t need them anymore.
Some bad math there, Grok, said 25 years, but she’s 19.
EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - CANADA/USA - DAY
Iris and David travel across Canada and the USA, reaching Vancouver as their last stop.
IRIS: (V.O.) Flashback or flash forward to the age of 19. My mom and dad are divorced. After high school, I spent a year traveling around Canada and the USA with my dad. We were on our last stop, Vancouver. Throughout the years, I maintained the relationship with my deaf friends while creating new friends. I was tempted to attend deaf school even though I could hear. I sided against it with my parents’ support. Dad and I really don’t talk with ASL anymore. We’ve maintained our secret language in our travels. It’s fun and easy to communicate quickly and privately. Often in our travels, when a tour guide was explaining something, I always had a joke, mostly my dad. And yes, dad jokes. He would try and get me to laugh out loud.
Scene 5: Return to the Street Corner
INT. DOWNTOWN VANCOUVER - STREET CORNER - DAY
Iris stands with David on the street corner, as in the opening scene.
IRIS: (V.O.) I’ve read my dad’s account of the street corner. Here’s mine. And the lights went out, as my dad likes to say. They didn’t go out for me. What I saw and experienced was my father collapsing in the street, hitting his head on the pavement and bleeding from the ears.
David collapses, unconscious. Iris grabs his hand and yells.
IRIS: Dad!
I think that’s the first spoken line in the movie for Iris, by the way, not sign line. I don’t know badly that train is fucking up this recording, but…
He doesn’t move. Iris looks out for help.
IRIS: (V.O.) He was unconscious. I grabbed his hand and yelled, “Dad,” he didn’t move. I looked up to someone to call 911, who one of the girls on the corner already was.
Student number one dials 911. Student number two kneels beside Iris, checking David’s wrist.
STUDENT #2: (to Iris) He has a pulse.
IRIS: (V.O.) A second girl knelt down beside me and grabbed my dad’s wrist. “He has a pulse,” she tells me. I’m worried about the blood coming out of his ears, but I’m grateful.
Iris begins to cry, then holds back.
IRIS: (V.O.) I begin to cry, then I held it back. My dad needs me.
David’s eyes are open, staring blankly into the sky.
IRIS: (V.O.) His eyes are open, but staring into the sky. I didn’t see him aware.
Iris talks to David, trying to comfort him.
IRIS: You okay, Dad? We’re here. Help’s coming.
STUDENT #2: The paramedics are on the way.
A nurse arrives out of nowhere.
NURSE: Hi, I’m a nurse, I can help.
David blinks, tries to speak, but his mouth doesn’t move. Iris frantically signs to him in their secret language.
IRIS: (signing) Are you okay?
David’s hand moves, releasing Iris’ hand to give a thumbs up, then closes his eyes.
IRIS: (V.O.) I felt his hand move. He released my hand and gave me a thumbs up. A second later, he closed his eyes.
Paramedics arrive and examine David.
PARAMEDIC: (to Iris) He’s gone.
IRIS: (V.O.) When the paramedics arrive, Dad is pronounced dead. As I heard the word “gone,” an unknown feeling spread throughout my body as if I were about to die myself. I didn’t. I did, however, feel the blackness. Blackout. Beat. 1.5 seconds of total darkness. The light reappeared 1.5 seconds later. I’m standing on the street corner with Dad. He’s not dead. I’m wondering, what the fuck just happened?
David stands, alive and well.
STUDENT #1: (confused) Did someone turn the lights out?
IRIS: (V.O.) Dad was alive. He never had a heart attack. And no, Morgan Freeman wasn’t there, for me at least.
Fade out, end scene.
Alright, that was the first two scenes. It takes me an hour to read it, which means it’s way too fucking long. Someone else can fix that. I’m gonna grok in, or I don’t give a shit anymore.
Additional Comments and Ideas
Here’s an update to yesterday’s movie idea or simulation idea—whichever way you want to look at it. Movie, simulation, tomato, tomato. I wasn’t going to do animals, but you just got to do snakes. If you could blanket an entire city with snakes, just like you could snow. The next day people wake up and they’re like, what the fuck? Although I had a change of heart. I’ll send the snakes down at midnight, but they’ll have till noon to remove them before they become alive. Or animated, whichever way you want to look at it. So if people get their shit together, they can just wait at midnight, the snakes arrive, they can start scooping them up, to be all cleaned up by noon the next day.
Might as well do hockey pucks as well. Nice and Canadian. But we won’t do hockey sticks because everyone already has a hockey stick in their house if you’re a true Canadian. You may not use it for playing hockey. You may use it for other things, but if you’re Canadian, you better have a hockey stick somewhere around. In my case, I used a hockey stick to cut up extremely large shits that wouldn’t go down the toilet. Get the blade in there and chop it up into little pieces. Flush her down. Rinse off the stick in the shower. Throw it back in the closet. Good to go for next time. Think it’s a true story, Grace? 13, that’s bullshit. Can I tell a perfectly bullshitted story without any pauses or identifying features? You tell me, Grace. Now I guess I’m done.
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