The OddTistics: How Ricky Gervais, Dave, and a bunch of horny Autistic computer programmers cured PTSD.
A Movie Outline
“The OddTistics”
By Dave Gervais
Ricky buys an abandoned resort island, changes his name to Dave, and disappears from public life.
Dave’s new island contains an empty 1000 room hotel. He renovates the hotel installing a network of workstations and servers, but no connection to the Internet.
The island is independent of any government regulations. Dave can live and act as he pleases, it’s his land, his business, his world.
The island’s weather is nearly perfect, sunny during the day, frequent overnight showers, a paradise.
Dave brings hundreds of rescued dogs and cats to the island. They thrive, they have no enemies, they control the rodent population, and they bring Dave joy.
Dave spends his free time teaching the cats and dogs to eat spiders; as many as they can find, Dave does not care for spiders.
Dave recruits hundreds of autistic computer programmers/data specialist (all over 18) from around the world, he brings them all to the island at his expense.
The programmers must agree to the following rules:
No AIDS (obviously). No other STDs are allowed on the island as well, including Monkeypox.
All males must have a vasectomy (except Dave). It can be reversed at the end of their stay, if they choose. These policies allows free-love on the island without material consequences. And although Elon Musk is trying to get everyone on the planet pregnant, Dave disagrees, and frankly doesn’t like the idea of babies on his island, Dave’s Island.
Finally, no data “read/watched/heard” on the island will every be repeated off the island.
Thousands of autistic programmers and computer specialists accept the terms, Dave hires nearly all. He doesn’t care about their past, their education, or anything about them except; that they are not currently wanted by any government for breaking the law, and the AIDS thing.
The renovated hotel provides Dave’s “team” with basic but comfortable accommodations. The amenities are plentiful and of course all free.
Every person gets their own room, married couples are offered two connected rooms if they please, or share one.
Without labor laws Dave sets the rules. He instructs the programmers to work as much as they please, they will be paid by the hour, they will be paid well, but no overtime, they decide how many hours a day they work, and when they work.
After the contracts are signed, Dave gathers the programmers into the hotel’s ball room.
Dave instructs his team to build the following system:
Create an online database for PTSD victims/survivors/sufferers that allows them to submit their stories anonymously.
Ensure the anonymity of anyone submitting their story.
Allow text, audio, or video submissions, but again ensure the anonymity, it must be guaranteed and provable. The system must be “always anonymous”, in every aspect, for every user, programmer or administrator, for all time.
Once the security and anonymity is reached, Dave will release the site to the world and ask anyone suffering from PTSD to share their stories, any part of their story, as often as they please, and however they please.
The programmers build an amazing system, it works, it’s secure, it’s perfect.
The data begins to flow into the system, Dave’s system, the team’s system.
Because the island has no Internet the data is gathered on-the-mainland, and then moved, not copied to the island. Any data lost is transit, is lost, there is no backup in transit, only on the island. Dave accepts this risk.
PTSD survivors have nothing to lose, they submit their stories by the millions.
Then, the real task begins — data analysis.
Dave believes “stories are patterns” and are predictable.
He instructs the programmers to read the stories, listen to them, watch them.
He suggests they look for paths in the stories, write code to find the similarities.
Watch in groups, with a buddy, or alone, it’s up to the programmers to decide, any option is a viable option.
Their only task now is finding the beginning, middle, and end, to every story.
Every programmer has access to “the data”, there are no restrictions. And every programmer has access to the results, or code, or anything (except personal files) of another teammate, everything is shared, but nothing can leave the island, there is no outgoing data connection to the rest of the world.
The programmer’s personal stories remain secure, never accessible, but when the individual leaves the island, the files are destroyed. No “data”, electronic or analogue will ever leave the island, only thoughts. All participants accept these conditions.
There is no currency on the island, there is nothing to buy.
Everything the programmers need is provided by the island. However, with little to distract them from their jobs (except each other) sex is rampant.
Dave doesn’t care what any of them do behind closed doors, their choice. He only cares about the software, the code, the algorithm. Everything is proceeding without delay, the code they are developing is astonishing.
A few programmers give up and leave the island, but not many. Some new ones arrive, they work passionately to solve the issue, to finish the program, not for Dave, for the PTSD survivors.
Together, the algorithm begins to form, organically, naturally. The team begins to see a solution, a possibility.
It requires a few months, but over time and with Dave’s nearly unlimited resources, they succeed. It’s not one pattern, it’s many, it’s not one particular cause or solution it’s many, thousands.
Dave knows the job isn’t complete and asks the sexually-exhausted-autistic-programmers to persevere, to the build the Anonymous AI (AAI) that will automatically send suggestions to anyone who submitted their story — possibly curing them of PTSD.
The team succeeds and the AAI starts interacting anonymously, it offers no guarantees, only suggestions.
It works! (of course) and the world is slowly rid of the mental “condition” called PTSD.
Dave expands! Creates more databases! One for each of the conditions in the DSM-5, except autism of course, Dave’s proven it’s not a condition. His team has shown it’s a gift that saved millions suffering from PTSD! Now they are determined to solve everything in their power!
The programming restarts. The sex-crazed-autistic-programmers fuck their way to a solution for every condition and label in the book!
The entire psychology and psychiatry “industry” is dead, gone, into nothingness, a failed experiment.
Dave’s team bring medicine back to science, not opinions by long dead psychiatrists and psychologists whose theories are completely irrelevant in the modern era. They save the world from a lifetime of unneeded and ineffective medicines.
Dave sends all the autistic programmers home.
Dave destroys all the servers containing all the stories. They are not needed now, its a history we can live without.
The horny-autistic-programmers(HAPs) become famous for saving the mental health of the world, they are admired and showered with riches beyond their dreams. None of the HAPs speak of their time on the island — none.
Dave changes his name back to Ricky and returns to his previous life of comedy without the world knowing it was his idea to use autistic people for the betterment of mankind. Ricky does however coin the term “OddTistic”, which of course is immediately loved by the world.
Ricky goes back on tour but doubles the price of his tickets since most of his fortune was spent on the island — the experiment.
The fans are not happy, but as a compromise Ricky invents a cup that holds ice, but doesn’t make a tinkling noise. He gives them out free at his events, and soon the craze explodes.
Ricky starts selling the cups under the name “Fuck-Ice, Cups” — instant success.
Restaurants, pubs and comedy stores around the world soon adopt the trend, “no tinkling”. Ricky’s ears are in heaven wherever he performs, or drinks, or eats.
Ricky becomes rich again, loved again, forgiven for the “ice incident”, and is Knighted by King Charles.
The end.
As Keegan-Michael Key describes us: we're Blerds [Black Nerds]. Not only did I learn Computer Programming, I was a Psychology Major. It's an Oxymoron only Ricky Gervais could pull off. FYI, I cringed at "The Office". I was a babysitter for way too many incompetent bosses but the pay was great!
Brilliant! Can Jason Mraz (the famous singer of "I'm Yours") and I, Kelly JoAnne Wise (a nobody, an untouchable) join? We have been the most victimized of this abhorrent AI experiment to cure PTSD. We want compensation for unnecessary pain and suffering.